Acting good enough will lead to feeling good enough

You know that you are responding with clinical perfectionism if you’re procrastinating the task if you can’t do it perfectly. You probably feel like there’s always more to do and you’re always behind. You approach tasks wanting to feel just right, to have a certain emotion or to get relief from an emotion. Rather than finishing a task when you’ve met the objective, you continue with the task until you feel correctly. You’re waiting to not feel anxious or uncertain.

Clinical perfectionism is seductive. Sometimes clinical perfectionism will drive you to avoid and sometimes it will drive you to over-compensate and work too hard. Your all-or-nothing thinking drives all-or-nothing behavior. If you have a habit of all-or-nothing thinking and behaving, you might not trust when to do what. You might be looking for a set strategy where you can feel in control of your clinical perfectionism. The reality is that responding well to the thinking patterns and behavioral urges that clinical perfectionism triggers requires that you are flexible and your responses are dynamic.

What does it mean to respond dynamically and with flexibility?

You have to use the feeling of anxiety and urgency to guide your decision making for any given task. By being guided by anxiety, I mean always doing the opposite.

If your anxiety wants you to avoid a task, take the smallest next step towards that task. In that moment, you are not focusing on the outcome. You are focusing on relating well to your anxiety. It will probably make you more anxious to start the task without doing it perfectly. If you are left feeling anxious and uncertain, you are practicing well.

If your anxiety wants you to compulsively over-perform on a task, stop before you’re ready. You might try not starting the task while you feel anxious. That is, when your body feels urgent, slow down. Take some deep breaths. Set a timer for five minutes to mindfully pay attention to your sensations rather than your thoughts. Then, take the smallest next step. Continue your behavior until but you hit the choice point.

You know you’re at the choice point when a conscientious model might stop the task, but you feel the urge to keep going. You might have to guess where the choice point is while you’re getting used to changing your behavior. If you do it wrong by your own standard, you’re practicing well.

You might wonder why you should make mistakes on purpose, not strive to do your best at every opportunity. Focus on your opportunity cost. When you are acting in anxiety driven way, you are missing your life. You’re missing moments of connection with yourself and others. You’re missing opportunities to purpose other things you value. Some part of you knows you are making decisions based on your anxiety, not your values, and that erodes your trust with yourself over time.

It’s uncomfortable at first, but the habit of not listening to the voice of clinical perfectionism will give you time, peace, and the chance to live by your values.  It’s a lie that you need to be perfect to earn your own worthiness. You’ll feel worthy when you live by your values and treat yourself with compassion. Challenging clinical perfectionism will gradually offer you trust in yourself. Acting good enough will make you feel good enough.