Adopting a nonjudgmental attitude

Dr. Claire Weekes was an Australian physician and an anxiety treatment pioneer who started writing about acceptance-based methods for relating effectively to anxiety in the 1960’s. She used the concept of floating through anxiety, as opposed to swimming through it, to emphasis the need to let go of control, rather than focusing on coping with it. The concepts “don’t just do something, sit there!” and “let time pass” come from Dr. Weekes. She explained how to approach thoughts and feelings nonjudgmentally.

Mindful emotional awareness occurs when you bring your attention to your emotion in the present moment with a nonjudgmental stance.

It is a skill that is developed through practice.

To understand who to be nonjudgmental, let’s look at ways we can judge our emotional reactions. There are many ways you could judge your emotional experience. Here are some examples:

• Judging yourself for having an emotion in the first place: I shouldn’t be anxious. Other people aren’t anxious or aren’t anxious about this type of thing.

• Judging yourself for having the wrong emotion: I should feel excited, not fearful. I shouldn’t feel jealous or angry. I should feel guilty. I might be or become irresponsible if I don’t feel guilty.

• Judging yourself for the strength of the emotion: I could handle this if it wasn’t so intense. Other people don’t feel this. I’m weak or broken.

• Judging yourself for the timing of the emotion: I should have gotten over this. I shouldn’t still be having this feeling.

When you’re practicing a nonjudgmental stance, you are learning to catch the way that your mind judges your emotional experience and letting yourself feel whatever you feel. By accepting what you feel, you aren’t approaching the emotion as though you want it or expect it to be that way forever. Rather, your approach is, In this moment, this is what I feel and I’m not going to judge or resist the experience.

Mindfulness will not necessarily reduce your suffering in the present moment, but developing a habit of mindful emotional awareness will help you relate to yourself effectively. You’ll have memories of having an emotion that ebbs and flows without escalating and it will reduce the secondary reactions that cause your suffering.