An introduction to self-compassion
Compassion by definition is sympathetic consciousness of distress together with a desire to alleviate it. Self-compassion is turning towards yourself with concern and a desire to do something to alleviate your own distress.
When I think about compassion, I think about it as an intervention that targets a secondary process that’s very common in anxiety, OCD, and depression. I want to emphasize that we’re not just talking about the sort of formal compassion practice done while sitting on a cushion, although formal compassion practices are also great.
The secondary process that keeps you stuck is shame and self-criticism. As you start to learn more about how emotional disorders operate, you might be thinking, Well, I theoretically understand how this operates. Why does my distress keep coming back? If your why? is very critical and brings up the feeling of shame (e.g., because I’m truly a horrible person), then it might be difficult to observe and stay with what’s happening long enough to not do anything to avoid it or to reinforce it.
Compassion is a skill anyone can learn. It can help you stay with the process of whatever’s happening. Regardless of what you know, anxious sensations, intrusive thoughts, or a low mood can show up at any time. Just having information about what’s happening doesn’t mean it’s not going to happen.
In any given moment, having a compassionate stance that allows your mind to observe what’s happening is going to help you get through it faster.
And that doesn’t mean that the sensations, the thoughts, and the mood are necessarily going to go away. You’re just not going to do something that reinforces them.
When it comes to relating effectively to emotions, turning towards your experience means observing that experience mindfully — floating through it mindfully — and not doing something to make it worse. You don’t have to be particularly warm and fuzzy about this. Just notice what’s happening, don’t criticize yourself, and don’t add anything that will make it worse.