Create the conditions that make good mental health more likely

You can't force yourself to fall asleep, but you can create the conditions to make sleep more likely by practicing good sleep hygiene. Similarly, we can't use willpower to prevent psychological suffering, but we can create the conditions to make good mental health more likely.

The conditions for good mental health start with connection both with yourself and others. Compassion is the skill that makes connection possible. Compassion is for mental health what a comfortable bed is for sleeping. We can fall asleep without a comfortable bed, but it will be challenging and uncomfortable. It isn't a long-term solution. Similarly, in any given moment, we can work through an anxious sensation or thought without compassion, but it will be challenging and uncomfortable. It feels better in the moment and will help us feel better long-term to bring along a compassionate attitude while we are learning how to relate effectively to anxiety, unwanted intrusive thoughts or mood symptoms.

Compassion includes mindfulness. It's paying attention, on purpose, to what's happening in our private experience instead of analyzing why it's happening. It's staying present to this experience happening now, rather than ruminating about what happened in the past or anticipating whether it will happen in the future.

Compassion includes kindness. It's treating ourselves in words and actions as we would our close friend. It's noticing the urge to beat ourselves up and choosing to redirect our self-talk to something that is helpful.

Compassion includes common humanity. It's remembering that the suffering we are experiencing happens to other people too. Other people also suffer just like us and other people work through it, just like we can. We might feel alone and hopeless, but that doesn't mean we are.

Shame is the opposite of connection and compassion is the skill that makes connection possible, both with yourself and with others. If in the presence of shame, we can access self-compassion, we will start feeling connected to ourselves and others. Our feelings of connection will reduce your shame. The reduction of shame will increase your self-compassion and make it easier to continue to connect.

As it pertains to creating the conditions to make good mental health more likely, we want to learn to use the momentum of any success you have using the skills. Oftentimes, due to perfectionism, people start expecting too much from themselves as soon as they learn something about mental health.

For instance, as soon as you learn that avoidance creates, maintains, and intensifies anxiety, you might think that you can immediately stop avoiding. I doubt it. Rather, it will take time, patience, and willingness to practice to slowly and gently observe the subtle and not-so-subtle thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that create and maintain your avoidance and then challenge them with courage and humor. It's hard! It's hard to live with it and it's hard to recover from it. It's okay to be frustrated or angry about that. Also, when you start to make progress, don't minimize it. Use it. Any success is worth celebrating and reinforcing. Use what you're doing well to help you take the next step.

The smallest next step to running a marathon is putting your shoes on. The smallest next step to writing a paper is opening the notebook or computer file where you will write. The smallest next step to managing hunger is obtaining food. To achieve a goal, create a habit that sets you up to make the conditions of achieving the goal more likely.

You know that you experience anxiety, unwanted intrusive thoughts, or mood symptoms. Can you accept that this occurs as a portion of your experience, like you accept that hunger is part of your human experience? You plan for hunger. Can you plan for your psychological suffering?

A good plan includes both planning for increasing or maintaining your functioning and managing your distress more effectively.

For instance, making a commitment to stretching every day regardless of how you feel can increase your functioning. Making a commitment to exposing yourself to an anxiety-provoking situation every day on purpose can help you manage your distress more effectively. In both cases, it's okay to take the smallest next step. Commit to the smallest next step and then always do it again tomorrow.