Developing courage, curiosity, and compassion

Change is stressful for everyone. There are some changes, like anticipated life transitions, that feel exciting in addition to being stressful. There are other changes, like managing a physical or mental illness, that feel more stressful than exciting for most people. Learning to live well with a mood or anxiety disorder requires change. Because change is challenging, it is an inherently courageous way to live.

Your anxiety or mood disorder is not your fault. Your biological sensitivities made you vulnerable to these disorders. How you respond will make the symptoms more or less likely. To live well with biological and psychological sensitivities that make you vulnerable to anxiety and depression, you have to change how you respond to your symptoms. Where you used to respond with avoidance, self-criticism, fear, you must learn to respond with courage, curiosity, and compassion. The mind is too mysterious to know it completely, but living by these values will reduce your suffering.

The more you know yourself and respond to yourself with courage, curiosity, compassion, the less likely you are to suffer.

Courage Courage is feeling fear and doing the dreaded activity anyway. People with anxiety and mood disorders feel fearful and interpret that as weakness. The opposite is true. Because life triggers fear in so many ways, living with anxiety and mood disorders is an inherently courageous way to live. When you shift moments where you feel weak to moments where you have an opportunity for courage, and you do it compassionately, any moment can help you overcome helplessness and make you feel efficacious. Having courage in the broad sense of your life means committing to keep trying no matter what you face. Having courage in any given moment means connecting with the demands of the present moment and your values and choosing to live in accordance with them regardless of what it makes you think and feel.

Curiosity Perfectionism can make you want to control, predict, and perfect every aspect of your life, including your mind. Responding to your mood and anxiety disorder with curiosity means that you recognize that striving to understand the patterns that create and intensify your symptoms can help you live life with less suffering, but it doesn’t mean that you’ll never suffer. A curious mind is humble in the face of the mystery of the human experience. Curiosity leads you to reflect on and observe your experiences, rather than denying them, avoiding them, or criticizing yourself for them.

Compassion Self-criticism, self-doubt, and self-loathing reinforce whatever painful thoughts and feeling you are already experiencing. Having self-compassion in the broad sense of your life means approaching your life circumstances and choices with mindful non-judgmental awareness, kindness, and common humanity. Having self-compassion in any given moment means bringing mindful non-judgmental awareness to the moment, responding to yourself with kindness, and connecting with how this moment of suffering connects you to the rest of humanity.

You didn’t choose the body you were born with and many of the factors that influence the mind you have were and are outside of your control. The fact that anxiety and mood disorders are chronic, intermittent conditions doesn’t mean that you will always suffer. You have sensitivities that make you vulnerable to anxiety and mood episodes. The more you know yourself and respond to yourself with courage, curiosity, compassion, the less likely you are to suffer.