Self-talk for perfectionists to practice
If your fear is evaluation, then your self-talk is going to sound like, I want to be embarrassed. I want to live with the possibility of rejection. I’m going to go towards situations where I can see that the chance of rejection is possible.
If your underlying fear is inflated responsibility, we want your self-talk to be, The feeling of guilt doesn’t mean I’ve done something wrong. I can live with the possibility of making a mistake that harms people in order to live by my values. I want to be able to do this action and live with the possibility that I’m going to harm someone and so even if I have the feeling of guilt, it doesn’t again mean that I’ve done something wrong.
If the fear is intolerance of uncertainty, then you will ideally live in their decision. Your self-talk will be, I’m making a decision and I’m living in it. Uncertainty is evidence of my growth, not a problem for me to solve.
If the fear is based on the need for a just right feeling, your self-talk is going to be, It’s okay for me to have this ‘just right’ urge right now. I’m going to have diminishing returns if I keep going, though. So, it’s an exposure or it’s a value-based behavior for me to not get the click.
Generally speaking, perfectionistic work sounds like, I must do this urgently. I must do it perfectly. I’m not going to stop until it feels just right.
Productive work sounds like, I’m going to prioritize based on my values and accept that I have limitations. Just because my mind thinks I can do something better doesn’t mean I have to do it. In fact, it definitely doesn’t mean I have to do it. If my perfectionism makes it hard for me to know when to stop, I’m going to use a conscientious model, which is a person who I respect doing the same type of task. I’m going to use what I know about how they behave as an example for deciding when it’s okay for me to stop. I’m willing to experiment and take risks knowing that I have to accept where I am to get where I’m going next. Rather than avoiding or bracing against feedback, I want collaboration so that I can grow.