Intentional practice - Part II

Good exposure and response prevention is like the fun and playful part of childhood. What comes to mind for you?

Young kids practice winning. Try playing cards with a four-year-old. They can’t wait to show you what they can do. First, they change the rules. Then, they change the game. It’s always fun because they always win.

As an adult in the external world, we all make mistakes and no one always wins. Pursuits we attempt may not work out. We can still win on the inside. You can change your game if you change your rules.

Here is the game I want to teach you: Internally, always ask for whatever is happening.

Here are the rules:

● Commit to the smallest next step towards what you value.

● If you want more, do more.

A major difference between intentional practice and incidental practice is creativity.

Intentional practice is our creative attempt to trigger what you fear on purpose so that you have the exact opportunity you need to face your fear. We don’t have to be creative for incidental practice because life gives it to us.

As you use your creativity to create your intentional practice together, what’s the best way to trigger your anxiety in a way that is challenging, but manageable at the same time? Remember the strategy is: Practice winning. Make commitments small, frequent, and willing.

Small and frequent

Like any effective behavior change, you need to commit time to this. You’ll undermine the process if your commitment is too big, you try to commit in a perfect way, or you beat yourself up for any part of what happens when you try. You’ll dread your commitment and it will be another reason to be disappointed by yourself. You should commit to what is reasonable for you for who you are today. You must own that commitment until you’re ready for more. Small commitments will build over time. You will start to understand what’s happening and how to relate more effectively when you prepare for and own your small victories. Once you master the core skills needed to relate to anxiety well, you will naturally be able to take more anxiety-provoking challenges in your life.

Willing

It’s important that your attitude is I’m practicing to learn more about how my anxiety operates and to relate to it more flexibly rather than I must do these exposures perfectly to cure myself from anxiety. Sometimes when you do something anxiety-provoking with a willing attitude, it will be empowering and you will feel great. Other times you will get new thoughts and feelings and have the chance to observe and relate effectively to those. All of this is great. You get to learn from all of it.