Worry as a process
Your process for any task is your series of steps to achieve your end.
Your process for brushing your teeth or cleaning your kitchen may seem to you like “that’s just how you do it,” but if you surveyed the next 10 people you encounter it is very likely that their process for those tasks are not as similar as you were expecting.
For worriers, the mental process of worrying might otherwise be described as thinking.
Where does your worry end and your thinking start?
Worry can be a habit of thinking. The belief problems listed below maintain it. The workable functions below maintain it, despite the unworkable functions.
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1. Worry reduces painful emotions. (This is a functional worry.)
2. Worry increases my self-esteem, by making me feel in control.
3. Worry prevents catastrophe, because I have control over what I worry about.
4. Worry helps me solve problems.
5. Worry motivates me, because it makes me aware of everything that could go wrong.
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1. Short-term reduction in painful emotions.
2. Short-term reduction in uncertainty.
3. Short-term increase in self-esteem.
4. Short-term increase in self-efficacy.
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1. Long-term increase in painful emotions.
2. Long-term increase in sensitivity to uncertainty.
3. Long-term reduction in self-esteem.
4. Long-term reduction in self-efficacy.
5. Long-term narrowing of options.
To break the habit, you have to work at it and you also have to have compassion for yourself during the process. If your teeth-brushing process did not involve flossing and your dentist told you to floss, would you think, Well, that’s your opinion… or I’m just a bad person for not having this step in my routine?
I hope not.
The more helpful response would be, That seems like it would be helpful, and it will be challenging to change this habit. But, I care about my health, so I’m going to try.
What can I do to help myself to change this habit?
Try thinking about your mind and your mental habits this way too. There is nothing inherently wrong with you if your mind happens to worry a lot. But, it is a habit that causes a lot of suffering and sensitizes you to other suffering-inducing responses, like avoidance and rumination. The habit or process of worrying can also just make life feel more urgent, less safe, and more stressful than it needs to be.
Worry can occur when you have the feeling of uncertainty about an unanswerable question and you try to make the uncertainty dissipate by answering the question. Worry is productive when the question is answerable and the attempts to answer it result in problem-solving.
Worry is not productive when the question is unanswerable and the attempts to answer it creates more questions plus worry about worry (that is, what if I can’t stop worrying?).
When you are ready to commit to breaking the habit of worry, here are your steps:
Start with scheduled worry time and observe your experience over 5-7 days.
Identify the beliefs you have about worry and the workable vs. unworkable functions it has in your life.
Once you are tracking your worries, differentiate between answerable and unanswerable questions, in order to turn unproductive worry into productive worry.
Take action on answerable questions that have solutions.
In everyday life, notice worries as they arrive and redirect your attention back to the present moment.
