Identifying core beliefs

As you get educated about your emotional disorder, you’ll start observing what’s happening, rather than criticizing yourself, analyzing what’s happening, or trying to fix it. You’ll get curious about your triggers and be able to predict what you’ll think and feel. Your sensations will get predictable and maybe even boring. You might still get anxious, but the anxiety will peak and pass. It won’t stick around or get in the way of your life. It won’t cause you suffering.

As you observe your emotional experience, you’ll hopefully start wondering about the beliefs that create, maintain, and intensify your emotions. For instance, you might start to think, I know this trigger. I know what I think and feel around this trigger and I don’t avoid it anymore. I wonder why I still get anxious. Good observation! You aren’t avoiding the situation. You might not even be avoiding your thoughts or your feelings. You probably have a belief that maintains your suffering.

We all have beliefs about how we think and feel, why we think and feel, and what we should think and feel.

You might not be able to consciously identify what you believe about thoughts and feelings. If you are curious, you can use your suffering as a map to guide you to your beliefs. Once you understand what your beliefs are, you can challenge those that create suffering for you.

Here are some examples of types of thoughts and feelings and some beliefs that people have about those thoughts and feelings. Try to get curious about the ones with which you identify. If you identify with a lot of these beliefs, it should help understand why, despite a lot of work, you still get stuck. You’ll get more and more relief as you change these beliefs.

Those that are sensitive to uncertainty often believe:

• Uncertainty means something bad.

• Uncertainty is unfair and spoils everything. I shouldn’t feel it.

Those that are sensitive to embarrassment, rejection, and judgment often believe:

• It’s hard to be part of the group and easy to get kicked out of it.

• Making a social mistake is worse than not trying at all.

• When people like something about me, it means more pressure to keep it up.

Those who worry often believe:

• Worry helps me problem solve.

• Worry keeps me motivated.

• Worry protects me from feeling bad if something bad happens.

• Worrying will protect me from bad things happening.

• Worrying means I care.

Those with perfectionistic thoughts often believe:

• Things must be done a certain way.

• Everything is equally important.

• If I start, I must complete it up to my standard.

• Good enough is not good enough.

• I can’t tolerate how it feels to make a mistake.

Those with inflated responsibility often believe:

• Having a thought is as bad as the thought being true.

• Feelings that arrive with thoughts make that thought meaningful.

• If I have the feeling of guilt, I must have done something wrong.

• If I can do something about it, I must do something about it.

As long as you hold onto any of these beliefs, you’ll feel distress when something triggers them. Try journaling about them in everyday life and seeing where you have an opportunity to challenge them.