Strive for experiences, not episodes

You want your experience of distressing emotions to be an experience, and nothing more. When you are relating to it well, it shows up, you experience it, and it passes. It doesn't become an episode. This is recovery.

Experiences, not episodes

Anxiety disorders, OCD, and mood disorders are chronic, intermittent conditions, meaning that those that are biologically vulnerable to them are vulnerable to them throughout their whole lives, although the episodes come and go. I hope you are not discouraged by this. This isn't foreshadowing a lifetime of suffering. It's information about how your body and mind works, much like information about blood glucose or your menstrual cycle.

You can show up to the body you were born with by accepting this reality and making a plan for how you will manage your underlying biological vulnerability. You'll like yourself more when you show up. Let's try it.

Show up to your experience. Some people hear that anxiety and mood disorders are chronic conditions and give up, assuming that they'll suffer no matter what they do. Wrong! You are more sensitive to distressing emotions than those around you, but if you practice the right way to relate to anxiety, the spikes of sensations, feelings, and thoughts become experiences, not episodes.

Giving up through avoidance will make you feel demoralized and make your suffering worse. The most important commitment you can make to yourself is to keep trying. If you've decided that you're always going to keep trying, you'll eventually figure out a way to manage your sensitivity in a way that works for you. If you're looking for the perfect solution in the quickest amount of time without committing to persevering no matter what, you're likely to have trouble maintaining your gains when you hit inevitable challenges. So, you've taken responsibility, now what?

Respond effectively. A panic attack, a thought attack, or a low mood goes from a few moments of uncomfortable sensations and thoughts to several days or weeks of fear, overwhelm, bracing, sleeplessness, general distress and loss of functioning because of how you respond. It's not your fault that you have the sensitivity you have, but whether or not it escalates is within your control. How you respond either deescalates or amplifies the experience. Here are some examples:

Shame and guilt. Did you feel shame and guilt when I said that your suffering is escalating because of how you respond? Notice that. It's okay that it showed up. Here's how to challenge it:

I, like all other humans, am always doing the best I can. Whatever my mind has come up with as my response to myself and my environment is the best it could come with and it's okay to be exactly where I am. If my response is not effective for my values and goals, I can learn new responses. Rather than beating myself up about what I did or do wrong, I'm focusing my attention on learning new skills so that I have new options in similar situations in the future.

Anticipatory anxiety. When you're in it, your mind might go to, How do I know this will work? How long will this last? How do I know I can handle it? What if I can't sleep because of this? This is all in the future. Your anxiety disorder owns your future. You own your present. Challenge these thoughts by labeling them as anticipatory anxiety and coming back into the present, focusing on whatever you are doing right now.

Perfectionism. Your mind says, how do we know that we're doing it right? The answer is we don't! You have to try stuff out, get information about yourself, and then continue or change your strategy based on what you learn. Giving up on perfectionism isn't giving up on excellence. It's about showing up to yourself as you are and giving yourself the chance to learn and grow.

Subtle and not-so-subtle avoidance. Some people immediately understand what they do while anxious that helps in the moment, but makes it worse over time. Many people don't understand how this applies to their thinking or behavior. As you get to know yourself and your emotional disorder, look for where you avoid to led you through your suffering.

Self-compassion for your own process. You're in it for the long-haul with yourself. Giving up is demoralizing and will increase your suffering. Demanding perfection isn't sustainable and will create a secondary self-critical loop that makes recovery harder. Commit to yourself and your own process. Even before you recover, you'll find that you like yourself when you own and appreciate your own journey. You have hope because you have you. (Also, I can help you until you can help you, but I ultimately want you to help you.)