Self-talk for experiencing guilt, shame, and uncertainty

Many people experience shame, doubt and uncertainty, and guilt, especially in response to an internal trigger.

Here’s some helpful self-talk for an internal trigger:

Shame self-talk: It’s okay that I am having this experience. I didn’t ask for it or I don’t deserve suffering. I am stuck in a cognitive behavioral loop and it is challenging to relate to it. Having this experience doesn’t mean that I’m broken in some way. Humans have intrusive thoughts and uncomfortable feelings and I am having a human experience. In the presence of shame, I’m going to offer myself compassion.

Doubt and uncertainty self-talk: I’m choosing to take a leap of faith and act as though this is OCD or anxiety. This means that the doubt and uncertainty I feel is not an indication of a problem to solve, but rather a feeling I’m experiencing. I can move forward in accordance with my values in the presence of this feeling.

Guilt self-talk: I may have gotten tricked and started to engage in compulsions and avoidances in response to my doubt and uncertainty. My guilt either is signaling that I have acted in a way that was not in accordance with my values or it is excessive. Rather than self-criticism in the presence of my guilt, I can bring up an attitude of curiosity and see what I can learn here. Have I done something against my values? What are my options for how else I can respond in the future? If I was just having a thought, can I allow this feeling of guilt to be in my body without doing anything in response?

Some cognitive behavioral providers might consider these forms of self-talk as reassurances from me or self-reassurance. Indeed anything, including exposure practice, can become an avoidance strategy. Most people say that preparing them with self-talk helps them remember what to do when they get anxious. I typically look for the function of the intervention. If the intervention facilitates willing acceptance of thoughts, feelings, and sensations in the present moment, then it is not a compulsion. Helpful self-talk orients you towards acceptance. Unhelpful self-talk facilitates avoidance. If you can’t tell whether you are facilitating acceptance or avoidance, ask yourself whether it helps you accept your present experience or reinforces your avoidance.